FINDING TRUE FRIENDS: for Friendship to work you have to really want IN http://www.amazon.com/dp/B012UXCLFQ/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_awdm_lQRUvb0YXTE9B
In discussions with friend and business associate Brad Fergusson around reciprocity in business he said the following:
Have you ever wondered why you feel compelled to do something for someone who has helped you, without ever being asked to do so? There is a very powerful force at play in situations like this. In many circles this force if called the Law of Reciprocity. This loosely means that when someone does something good for you, you have a deep feeling or urge to do something good for them in return. It goes back as far as the bible where the Golden Rule says : ‘ Do Unto Others As You Would Have Others Do Unto You ‘ – naturally assuming that these things would be good things as opposed to bad.
In my experience in many cases what happens is the return favour is generally even more generous than the original gesture ever was. Even if you try to resist the urge to do this, it is nature pushing you in this direction like you must do this for someone who has helped you with something. In business the law of reciprocity is vital because most businesses are established to be successful and profitable and not the opposite . To be successful in selling more of your products and services to people you need to develop a rapport with them. A deep down sincere interest in them. To do this it is widely understood that you want them to feel this. The customer gets to know you; they then get to like you, which then allows them to trust you. The way this is generally done in business is to give more in service value then you receive in $ value in return. This needs to be done in a very real, genuine and authentic way. If it is not done like this, customers will realise it straight away. When was the last time you were buying something and you thought.. “I like the product , but this all seems too good to be true” or “I don’t feel like the sales person?” We all normally buy from someone that we like, even if the price is a little more than somewhere else most of the time. When you establish this relationship with a customer, you have generally developed a relationship with them for life , one which allows you to not only continue to sell to them but lowers your ongoing costs as you do not have to spend as much money on advertising because you already have “repeat business” and you now also have what is called a ‘raving fan’ who will tell their friends and family how great you are at what you do. In my opinion what happens in a lot of places is that businesses try to exploit customers by not following these simple rules.
I am sure you have been in the situation where you felt the sales person was being just a little too nice to you right. Even though everything was being done for you, something in your gut did not feel good about the experience. You may buy today but you won’t come back. In fact you will go as far to then warn other people not to go to that particular business and therefore not be a ‘raving fan ‘ and this spells the potential death of many business. The only way to operate in business in my view is to ‘Do The Right Thing’ and you do this by being genuine and sincere with your customers. And I will go one step further…this whole concept needs to run through every part of your business for it to be successful and profitable. Your employees and our own service providers ALL need to have the same good feelings about their day to day dealings with you. If you are following the law of reciprocity across all facets of your business you have developed what I like to call ‘Doing the Right Thing because it is the Right Thing To Do’. Your business absolutely can’t fail if you have this key thing at the very core of everything thing that you do.
Veronica O’Leary author of Circles the Trilogy said to me that true friends are a gift, and not to be mistaken with casual friendships. In a relationship such as romantic partners there has to be a balance of give and take. Each person contributing equally to the success of the growth of the partnership. However with true friends it is not always an equal balance. The beauty of the friendship is that each individual has different needs at different times, and there is never a question of who gives more…no scorecard is kept and that in itself is relevant to how each may have different values or beliefs. A true friend understands the core complexities of their friend’s mind, heart, and soul. Whether different than their own, they embrace the differences because there is a freedom in their union to be exactly who they are. Although this may sound simple…it is very difficult. A true friend offers advice without judging, remains open to ideas that may be uncomfortable, and walks the tightrope of protecting while sometimes having to pull in the reigns to avoid possible hurt or failure in their true friend’s life.
Veronica believes the strongest component to a true friendship is trust. To believe that you can tell your darkest secrets, deepest insecurities, and be completely vulnerable is one of the greatest joys in life! Time is not a factor, as some friendships have the luxury of experiencing life together, while others are long distant. Yes it is glorious to grab coffee or cocktails, see a show, and shop till you drop, however the geographically challenged friendship is not any less important or less valuable. The true friendship is manifested in the heart and not the feet. Veronica says that she knows her true friends by the way she places their happiness or pain before the demands of her everyday life. If she drops what she is doing for their needs (without thinking about it) then they have secured a place in her heart that allows her to unselfishly want to be a part of that moment. That is probably why we have so few true friends. We wouldn’t be capable to do that for the masses. She also believes that age and experience help to identify our own needs, thus seeking out the one or ones that are “Sympatico”. Veronica goes on to say that she is not saying that young people do not have true friends…but as we grow and learn ourselves we are better equipped to understand the layers of the friendship and appreciate the old saying “quality versus quantity”.
Veronica says that she has lived an incredible life thus far…filled with peaks and valleys. There has been much pain and many beautiful moments. In this life she had the great fortune to have 2 true friends. That may not sound like much, but they have given her more joy, loyalty, and pure love than a hundred others combined. They have walked her through the dark and also celebrated the light.
Therre re is a new school of thought around pussy footing around with staff. No be fair but at the end of the day of you are a leader you need to make a profit and you have a responsibility to shareholders. You need to do what is necessary. If your staff member fucks up you need to tell them. If you are a leader you consult. You get input but you make the decisions and you call the shots. By doing that you increase the profits of the company and you benefit the staff as they can stay in a job. If you consult all day long nothing will get done there will be wrong decisions and your company will not last. To be a leader sometimes you need to put your foot down and say o am the boss.
A fan a now friend Susan McGregor in discussions with me expressed the view that a true friend is a union of reciprocal interaction consisting of honesty, loyalty, support, trust and mutual respect, entwined through effective communication. A true friendship is a priceless gift. True friends value one another and appreciate each other through being understanding and having some common interests/values. A true friend knows you deeply and what your values and beliefs are. Like all things, true friendships develop over time and require commitment and reciprocity. A true friend must be authentic. A true friend can be relied on and leaned upon, are a sounding board, and are a joy to be around. A true friend makes a positive difference in your life. They motivate and inspire and are overall positive. For friendship to work it is a commitment to yourself and each other.
A true friend brings wants and needs and for it to work you have to be in it, like an eternal flame to a candle, like waves to the ocean.
Like the start of all good intentions, a true friendship must possess the right attitude, be fun and simple, and not forced.